Jan 032010
 

Plagiarism – or plain theft!

Trying to be somewhat circumspect about identifying the target of my disgust too explicitly, as there’s a potential conflict there. However, I really can’t stand what this communications officer has done – to swipe, obviously, the opening of your OWN OPINION PIECE from another – more talented – writer, with no acknowledgement, is simply unforgivable!

“Opinion”

The “author” of the recent opinion piece wrote:

“Did you know that two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of earth unharmed, cloaked only in the words “Civis Romanis” (I am a Roman citizen)? So great was the retribution of Rome, universally understood as certain, should any harm befall even one of its citizens.”

Compare with ….

West Wing – Season 1, Episode 3 – “Proportional Response”

“Did you know that two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world free of the fear of molestation? He could walk across the earth unharmed, cloaked only in the words “Civis Romanis” I am a Roman citizen. So great was the retribution of Rome, universally understood as certain, should any harm befall even one of its citizens.”

The similarity is … striking, to say the least! Were this student to write something so staggeringly similar to somebody else’s work without acknowledging his indebtedness, I suspect he would be asked to explain himself quite quickly.

If you are so incapable of phrasing – or more likely – of forming your own opinion, that you need to purloin the efforts of someone else, the very least you ought to do, if you have even a modicum of decency, let alone self respect, is to indicate to those reading your words that this is the case. You really ought NOT let people imagine that you have the knowledge or capacity to create such work by yourself!

Aside from which, at the end of the piece, you repeat word for bloody word a position I took – and with which you vehemently disagreed at the time – that Civil Partnerships have “set back our chances of true equality”. Sadly, I don’t have a Hansard of my entire life to prove this. So I’ll let the theft of Aaron Sorkin’s genius stand on its own to demonstrate your utterly pathetic nature.

Oh, and congratulations on reaching a year with your boyfriend … since it’s lasted that long, I’m going to have to assume he’s a top?

Jul 052007
 

5 July 2007
Marks & Spencer
Chester Business Park
Wrexham Road
Chester
CH4 9GA

Burra Brook Shiraz

Dear Sir
I am writing regarding Burra Brook Shiraz (2006), a bottle of which I purchased from your store at 151 Finchley Road, London, NW3 6JH yesterday. I was extremely surprised to find, on tasting it, that it was – if I am to be charitable – barely drinkable.

The Shiraz grape is one of my favourite varieties, and while it is perhaps difficult to attain superior quality from it, something to be celebrated when found, it is practically impossible to produce something which ought to be served from a plastic-coated box. My congratulations, if that is the word, to the vintner on achieving the hitherto unheard of.

Given your reputation for quality food and drink products, I was extremely disappointed by my purchase. I may as well have gone to the petrol station at the corner and picked the first red which caught my eye, rather than having selected what promised to be a pleasant bottle from a respected retailer.

I would urge you to reassess the quality of this product and whether or not you wish this inferior wine to be associated with your company. Perhaps uncharitably, I am forced to conclude; this is not just undrinkable plonk, this is Marks & Spencer’s undrinkable plonk.


Dec 052006
 

On the first day of Christmas,
My true gave to me,
A burning sensation when I pee.

On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Seven slags a-rimming,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Eight suppositries in-sinking,
Seven slags a-rimming,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Nine drag queens mincing,
Eight suppositries in-sinking,
Seven slags a-rimming,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Ten cocks a-leacking,
Nine drag queens mincing,
Eight suppositries in-sinking,
Seven slags a-rimming,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
“onze pipeurs en faisant la pipe”
Ten cocks a-leacking,
Nine drag queens mincing,
Eight suppositries in-sinking,
Seven slags a-rimming,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Twelve bummers bumming,
“onze pipeurs en faisant la pipe”
Ten cocks a-leacking,
Nine drag queens mincing,
Eight suppositries in-sinking,
Seven slags a-rimming,
Six rent-boys a-laying,
A swo-oooo-llen ring,
Four days of meds,
Love without a glove,
Non-specific urethritis, and
a burning sensation when I pee.

Dec 042006
 

Away in a bath house, three dicks in a bed,
The Spanish kid, Jésus, gave amazing head,
The pervs in the dark room, looked down where we lay,
As I fucked two bi guys, two of whom were gay!

The faggots are blowing, as they cum, they shake,
But litte fag Jésus, no crying he makes,
I gag you, dear Jésus, those tears in your eye,
Tell me that you love it, though you’re completely high!

Be near me, oh Jésus, you’ve no choice but to stay,
Tied up near me, all night long, and blow me – I say!
Bless all the huge cock heads, in your tender rear,
You’ll take them to heaven, then scream – “fuck me, dear!”

Original lyrics:

Away In A Manger

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
the little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head,
The stars in the bright sky looked down where he lay,
the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.

The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes,
but little Lord Jesus no crying he makes.
I love you, Lord Jesus; look down from the sky,
and stay by my side until morning is nigh.

Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask you to stay
close by me forever, and love me, I pray.
Bless all the dear children in your tender care,
and take us to heaven, to live with you there.

Dec 012005
 

Ok, I don’t actually know this carol, but it was the next one I came across, and it was just crying out to be “renovated”. The original lyrics follow my adaptation! It’s called “Gentle Mary Laid Her Child” … I mean, I ask you ….

“Gentle Mary, laid a child,
raped his arse – what danger!
There he lay, SO defiled,
Buggered by a stranger,

Such a babe in such a place,
I ask you now, who’ll save ya’?
Three wise men came, across his face,
Bukkake is in favour!”

Original lyrics:

[Joseph S. Cook, 1919]

“Gentle Mary laid her Child
Lowly in a manger.
There He lay, the Undefiled,
To the world a stranger.
Such a Babe in such a place,
Can He be the Savior?
Ask the saved of all the race
Who have found His favor.